Alexandra Ciuca, Founder of ALCIVE Studio and Virtual Assistant at Female Ventures, shares the journey of her “squiggly career”, why we shouldn’t be so focused on the old model of climbing the ladder, and how she maintains her work-life balance as a new mum and an entrepreneur.
Could you share one or two things that made you into the person you are today, Alexandra?
One that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately is being a scout when I was a teenager. I’m naturally very shy. I remember my mum sending me to buy bread, and that was the most terrifying part of my day. It wasn’t until I joined the Scouts that I discovered a different version for myself. You know what they say: find your tribe. I found a place where I could be myself, where I could get out of my shell, and where I first learned that I do have leadership skills. It was the first time I was in a position to take charge of a team.
Another big adventure was moving to Botswana. My husband and I weren’t happy with our jobs, our rental contract was ending, so we thought: let’s do something that we’re a bit scared to do. I had to send a hundred emails to get the job that we ended up getting. Nobody likes to send cold-call emails, you know, like: “Hi, this is me and my husband, will you please give us a job? We want to come and work for you.” But eventually, it worked, and we got a job managing a luxury safari camp in the Okavango Delta (Botswana).
Both my husband and I studied hospitality management. I had worked in event management in a five-star hotel. My husband managed restaurants. Nothing compared to managing a luxurious safari lodge. This was also the first time we worked together, which taught us a lot about communication. It taught me a lot in terms of leadership too, and how to be out of my comfort zone. We were in the middle of nowhere, our supplies came by plane or truck. There was no getting away for a break because there was nothing around us.
After two years, we returned to Europe. We wanted to start a family, and we wanted to do that closer to our families, so we chose to come back to the Netherlands.
What inspired the trajectory of your career and how have your experiences shaped your approach to leadership?
I moved to the Netherlands when I was 18 to study. I wanted to be an event manager, but I was being very practical and studied hospitality management because it offered more possibilities. I love the hospitality industry, and I haven’t yet found another industry that has this bonding effect. There’s something special about working for 14 hours with a team and at the end having a beer together. But at the same time, it’s a very tough industry. It’s hard work, and not the best pay. After working in it for a while, I knew I wanted to make a change. Especially because having a family with two hospitality professionals, well, the long hours don’t really work with parenthood.
Let’s demolish this idea that our careers need to be linear and that success means climbing up the ladder.
When I read the book “The Squiggly Career” by Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis, I felt so seen. It basically demolishes this idea that our careers need to be linear and that success means climbing up the ladder. Nowadays, it’s common to move between roles, between industries, between places. We should feel at ease with it and embrace it, because then we can actually thrive and find our path. When I think about my career, I think about a squiggly career, because I grew up with this idea that if you want to be successful, you need to make it up to a certain level. But I never felt that drive. I always wanted to explore. I wanted to find something that feels good and that I enjoy. So that’s how I’ve approached my career. I found an interesting opportunity, I thought I could do it, and I went for it. That’s partly how I ended up starting my own business.
When you connect with other female leaders, as you do in your current business, have you noticed any common themes or challenges?
Yes, absolutely. My role as a Virtual Assistant is really to help other people. Sometimes I am the first hire that a solopreneur or a small team has made outside of their founders. Usually there are challenges with letting go. I work with people who have built their businesses with a lot of love. It’s their dream, it’s their passion, it’s their vision. It takes trust and it takes time to let go. I try to help them get comfortable with delegation, because it’s actually a superpower to let go. We might feel that asking for help means admitting that we can’t do something, or that we’re failing, or that we can’t handle it on our own. But letting go means that you’ll be able to build a life or a business that you want by focusing on things that you enjoy. I think that’s the common challenge: letting go and asking for help. Once you get started, I do find that most people get addicted to delegating. Not only in their business, but also in their personal life. I see more and more entrepreneurs getting help with cleaning or those sorts of things. You have to start valuing your time differently.
Letting go and delegating is a superpower.
Another thing I’ve noticed with some of my clients and with female leaders I meet at events: everybody still struggles with the same things. Whether it’s a college graduate or a female leader with 30 years’ experience, at some point imposter syndrome and perfectionism and self-doubt are present. And it’s flabbergasting to me because I’ve always thought that if you have more experience, imposter syndrome will just go away. I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t work like that. Especially when you choose a new path or you take on a new challenge. I think you can learn to deal with it differently, give it less power. What I’ve seen is that the best female leaders, the ones who can handle these challenges, are those who surround themselves with people who are open and honest and brave enough to admit the challenges. You can’t be what you can’t see. It might feel like you’re the only person in the world who’s dealing with this, literally the only person. And then you start talking to people and you realize that there’s a room full of women with the same challenges. Maybe they won’t give you solutions, but that feeling that you’re not the only one, that can get you over the roadblock.
What helps you to stay motivated and organized in your business while you organize and motivate your clients?
I love helping people. I think that’s also why I initially chose to work in hospitality. There are visionaries, founders who have an incredible idea, they have the drive and the creativity, and they can see things that others don’t. I’m not like that. I consider myself an enabler, someone who has skills that maybe these visionaries are missing, like being able to bring structure into their business so that they can achieve what they’ve set out to do. It doesn’t sound as glamorous, I know, but it is a superpower. And that’s also what keeps me motivated. I know what my role is, I know what I’m good at, and I know that what I’m doing is helping other people achieve their dreams, and not only in their business. It helps them spend more time with their families. It helps them avoid burnout. It helps them live the life that they want, the way they want, because they’ve got some help and they’ve dared to delegate. That motivates me a lot, to know that I’m making a difference in someone’s life.
You mentioned your first experience of leading a team when you joined the Scouts, and the leadership element of your hospitality role. In your opinion, what makes a good leader?
Everybody has a different leadership style. My style, or what I focus on, is kindness on one side and communication on the other. Kindness to me means knowing that everybody is going through something in their personal and in their work life, and we don’t know what that is. The only way to understand someone is to understand who they are, what drives them, and what they’re going through. Then, communication is key because it is important to how you connect. It’s about keeping people informed and involved. I’m the kind of person who needs a lot of information, that’s how I function. I need to know everything before I make a decision. My style, whenever I’ve had a leadership position, is to communicate clearly and transparently so that people feel involved.
What made you decide to join the Female Ventures volunteering team?
I really wanted to connect with more people. I wanted to find my tribe in the Netherlands. I joined a Female Ventures event, and immediately noticed how warm and welcoming the community was. Then I saw the opportunity to join the mentorship program as a volunteer, which was even closer to my heart. I joined the events and planning team, which was a perfect fit with my hospitality experience. I think mentorship is so important, and it’s been a sensitive topic in my life because I’ve always wanted a mentor but didn’t know how to find one, and maybe I didn’t have the guts to just go up to someone and say: “Will you mentor me?”. So, it was great to join this initiative. After my maternity leave, I transitioned to working as a virtual assistant for Female Ventures.
You’re a new mum and an entrepreneur. How do you find the energy? How have you found adjusting to life as a new mum, and how do you maintain your work-life balance? Where do you find that support?
I’m still learning a lot. There’s this expectation whenever people ask: “How is it being a mum?” to say that everything’s wonderful. It’s true, it’s the most incredible and joyful moment of my life, but it’s also one of the toughest. Sometimes I feel like I hadn’t heard that enough, the acknowledgement that it’s tough, and that there is a lot of adjustment, a lot of internal work. I’ve come to realize that there was a me I knew for 30 years, and then I became a mum. I’m a new person, and I’m still making friends with and understanding this new me.
When your circumstances change, you need to adjust your goals, your plans and your actions.
And on top of that, I’m trying to run my business. What helps me is the recent realization that when your circumstances change, you need to adjust your goals, your plans and your actions. During the first months of motherhood, I hadn’t done that, especially on the business side. My goals were the same as if I hadn’t had a baby, as if I was sleeping eight hours a night. It was unsustainable. Now I’m really aware of this, and I’ve accepted that slow growth is still growth in my business. Maybe this is not the year that my business is going to double or triple. Maybe this is the year that my business is just nice and steady. Because right now, my focus is being present for my family. When things have settled down, I know my business will thrive.
In business, slow growth is still growth.
In terms of getting support, what’s really helped is connecting with other mums who are going through the same thing as me. Some of my friends don’t have children or their children are already older, so the challenges of this particular phase are not relatable to them. Having people you can talk to honestly and vulnerably is incredibly helpful.
In terms of strategies, I’ve definitely become stricter with my boundaries, because I’ve realized that if I want balance, I need to make choices. Sometimes the choices are not easy, like saying: I’m not going to go to a lot of networking events or I’m not going to meet with friends that live on the other side of the Netherlands as often. I set boundaries in my business as well. I don’t take calls before 10:00, I try not to work weekends or evenings.
How has volunteering with Female Ventures impacted your business and your personal life?
The Female Ventures community is one of the most welcoming I’ve found. Every time I walk into an event, there are always friendly faces. Everybody is so open and eager to connect and to learn from each other. That energy is beautiful to see. I’ve also made friends through the Female Ventures community. In terms of my business, it’s helped me test some ideas, get feedback and validation. So, when new freelancers or people who have just arrived in The Hague ask me: How do I find my landing place? I always say, you should join Female Ventures and go to their next event. It’s so important, when you are new in a country and you don’t necessarily have the contacts, to find your community.
What advice would you offer young women starting out in their career; do you have any tips for new mums and entrepreneurs alike?
Create your own path. Define what success is for you, because success differs for everyone, even depending on the stages of our lives. How I viewed success in my 20’s is not the same as how I view it now. I think it’s important to have confidence and take ownership of your path and then go after it. Like the start-up mentality of “failing fast”. You know, just try it. What’s the worst that can happen? You’ll fail and you’ll pivot. It’s okay. Sometimes we overthink, and we worry too much about what others think.
Create your own path. Define what success is for you.
The second piece of advice, and this has helped me to get where I am now, is network. If you are kind and open and helpful, people will reward you with the same, they’ll bring you that same energy. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next month, maybe in a year or two. One of these people will be able to help you in some way or another. It’s never too early to start building these connections. I’m a fan of having a small but tight-knit network, rather than having a million connections on LinkedIn.
Just try it. What’s the worst that can happen? You’ll fail and you’ll pivot, and that’s okay.
Any resources – newsletters, podcasts, books – you’d recommend?
There are a few newsletters I really like: Work Less Wednesday by Rich Webster and Freelance Cake. These are related to entrepreneurship and freelancing, specifically how to scale it up. I read Sahil Bloom’s Curiosity Chronicle. It’s less business, more mindset. I’ve also enjoyed the LinkedIn page Business and Babies, which shares stories of mum entrepreneurs and how they make it all work.
Thank you, Alexandra, for sharing your journey with us!
Connect with Alexandra on LinkedIn.